On a trip LOCKED!!!

I have been on a trip, out of town, on business for my employer. I left home Monday morning at around 10:00am. I have been knowing of this trip for about a month. I have been looking forward to it because I had the opportunity to learn a lot of information that would apply to my work within the company. At the same time, I was somewhat dreading it because I knew it would take me away from K for five days. On any trip I have been on, separated from K, I always miss her immensely. This time was to be no different. Actually, it was destined to be even worse.

K and I spent a wonderful weekend together. We had lots of loving and tenderness, lots of fun, and lots of enjoying each other's company. We nursed often, enjoying that intimacy at every opportunity. We made wonderful love Sunday morning with me having an orgasm. Monday morning, we enjoyed lovemaking all over again, culminating in an orgasm for each of us. K had informed me that I would be locked for my entire trip, since it was "only five days" and travel was totally by car; no metal detectors or scanners to negotiate. I tried to gently protest, but K would not hear of it: it was certain, I would be locked up for the entire time.

Before we parted Monday, I showed K a possibly better option for locking the chastity key in the key safe. I had purchased a small combination lock that was made so that the combination could be modified at the "locker's" desire. This could replace the keyed lock that K had previously secured the chastity key with in the safe. Now, K could keep the safe locked, but be able to tell me what the combination is in case of emergency, thereby providing a means of unlocking her dick in the time or "real" need. Previously, I would have to get a hacksaw and cut the securing hole open to open the safe when K was not available. K liked the idea, promptly programmed a combination, and locked the safe securely before leaving. I took the safe with me. Yes, the safe is very small and easily packed in luggage, being only slightly bigger than the chastity key.

I'm at this time still on the trip. I return tomorrow afternoon. I am so HORNY. On previous trips, I have been unlocked for the first few days. Then when K decided to lock me, she would tell me to lock up, lock the chastity key in the safe and wait for my next orgasm until I got home. This time, it is not so. I am locked the whole time.
Yes, five days. I know, that is not long at all for many chastity participants. For me, it is.

Five days. Yet, at this time, it is only four. I am wild with desire. I can't get out. I am secure. I am wearing Hairclip. I enjoy the frustration, the waiting, the anticipation, the tease, the uncompromising position of not being allowed ANY opportunity for orgasm. Even though I am locked most of the time anyway, all the other times, I know orgasm does not have to be more than a few hours away. Not so, for now.

I'm wild with desire!!! I want K so badly. Everything about me wants interaction with her. I want to be spanked and whipped. I want to nurse. I want her to squeeze her balls and dick. I want her to make me eat her pussy. I need her, and all her loving actions to me, those mentioned here. They all show me her love, care, and acceptance that the balls and dick do belong to her!

I've been texting K a lot on this trip. In the texting, I have been trying to educate K just how much she DOES own the dick and balls, that she has total control. I have given it to her, totally.

There has probably been over 2000 messages over the past few days. Unfortunately, most of that has scrolled off of my cell phone. The gist of it though was to tell K:

You own my dick and balls. They are yours. I want to be given to you totally in chastity, with you having ultimate control and say-so of when I am to come, or even to announce any time you particularly DON'T want me to come. I give my self totally to you, for your total pleasure. This can include anything;

It may be that you spank or whip me as long as you want, as hard as you want, as often as you want. You can tie me up so that I am not able to resist in anyway, even securing my hands, feed, neck, even balls, to something immovable so as to be certain I do not move my ass, and that I am provided to your spanking pleasure. I give my ass to you for your pleasure and purpose. Do as you wish, even if only for your pleasure alone.

It may be that you want to play with your balls and dick. You can do as you please with them. We have a modified collar that can be locked on "your" balls and provide a Ball Collar, with the availability to use a leash on them. You can do ANYTHING you like, regardless of my pleading or requests to go easy. You can pull, squeeze, or "torment" them to your heart's content. You can put me in Kali anytime you desire, and tease me to ultimate torments. If it makes you happy, then make yourself happy. I LOVE it when you giggle with glee from the pain you lovingly administer to me.

It may be that you want to prevent me from coming during sex. This may be to simply prolong sex, so that you can have as much fucking as you like, as long as you like. You can demand that I do not come, to ensure that. You can do what you need to in order to be sure it happens: pinches, slaps, pull outs,….what ever you need or want to do to make me last longer for you, just in case I am weak and can't seem to prevent my orgasm. You even have the ultimate authority to determine if I may come at all. Even after fucking as long as you want, you can, if you should so desire, deny me having an orgasm at all. (Honestly, hopefully, this won't occur very often, LOL)

It may be that you invent some other way to enjoy yourself by teasing me with pain. Very simply, if my pain, being teased mercilessly, being spanked, being denied indefinitely, or any creation of pleasure you may come up with, pleases you, makes you happy, thrills you, makes your heart smile, or benefits you in any way, then, I give myself to your hand.

The latest

It has been busy as usual around here. After my car wreck on April 1, I spent much time looking for a replacement vehicle. I finally bought one last week. Now, K and I are planning for a vacation, somewhere in the Caribbean. Where exactly, I don't know. I read one person's blog about going to a resort and how that they enjoyed some chastity play while there, even naked, apparently in "public" at the resort. Apparently nudity was acceptable there. I wish I could remember where it was at. I would like to investigate it further.

Hey! Would it be possible to get some input here on my blog? Would there be some kind readers out there that would be to give me some guidance? Here is what we are lookng for:

We don't want the Hedonism resorts: appears to be too much partying.
We are looking for a nice romantic place to relax and enjoy each other.
As mentioned above, we don't want a party place.
We do like the idea of being able to go naked if we like, a clothing optional I guess.
We don't want a "nudist" resort because we don't want everyone nude all the time. We prefer to eat in restaruants where people are fully clothed, thank you. (HA!)
We would like upper scale dining, meaning above average, but does not have to be 5 star.
We want all inclusive.
We've considered Desire and Temptations. Reviews, as a whole, really don't look that good on them.
We simply want a NICE resort that allows for some nudity if the guest desires, with the possibility to have a little romantic risque fun, up to possibly discreet lovemaking in public.

Are there any suggestions out there?

K and I are still enjoying chastity.

I am realizing another desire. I am wanting to be tied up so that K can spank/whip my ass in any way she wants, as much as she wants, as long as she wants. I want to be tied up so that I am totally helpless to move from her spanking, totally at her disposal for her fun, totally at her mercy. Then, I want her to wear my ass out!

Why?

I haven't a clue. (smile)

Uh OH! A Doctor's Visit! And I'm LOCKED!!!

Well, things have been pretty busy around my house. A couple of weeks ago, I totaled my car. No injuries, thankfully. It is a world of hassle though. I've been driving my old gas guzzling truck (14.5 mpg). It hurts to put $45.00 worth of gas in it every two days! Yes, I do drive quite a bit. Being the case, I am spending almost all my free time car shopping. The used car market is a little depleted right now and finding what I want is difficult.

I'm single. My kids are grown. I make decent money. I'm doing okay. It is the time in my life where I can do a few things I want to do. I can have fun. I can spend money the way I want to instead of having to be totally practical all the time. I'm in my late 40s. I am due. It's my turn. I think I'll have me a little bit of a mid-life crisis. I'm going to step out there and buy me a convertible with a sporty flair! Woohoo!

Hmmmmmm…..

It appears that having a mid-life crisis is expensive!!!!! So, I'm going to have to do it on a modified scale, I guess. I'll have fun with it though. Problem is, convertibles are not very abundant. Those that are available, are not cheap. So, I continue to look.

K and I continue to have fun though. She still keeps me locked up all the time when we are apart. Since Subbie-ism is over, I get all the loving and orgasms I desire. So does K!

Lately, K seems to be getting more and more into spanking…. MY ass that is. I had to go to a urologist last Monday to get some things checked. That prevented having my ass spanked or whipped because we didn't want the doctor to ask embarrassing questions about why there might be embarrassing bruises or marks on it. I worked last Sunday night. I went home and slept until time to get up for the doctor appointment. When I awoke, I realized that I was still locked in Hairclip! There was NO access to K and her key. I tried to text her. Maybe I could meet K on my way to the doctor and she could unlock her dick. No such luck! I got no reply. I had only two choices. One was to go to the urologist locked up in Hairclip. The other was to take matters into my own hands and unlock myself. Well…..

K and I are not into embarrassing each other: there is no appeal there for us. I have a "key safe" that a spare key is kept in, that I have access to. I have to cut the locking hole open, remove the lock and then I can have access to the key. I designed the key safe out of a couple of pieces of copper and pvc pipe fittings. It requires a heavy pair of cutters or a hacksaw to get into, but it is tamper evident. It is closed and secured with a lock that only K has the key to. If I do cut it open, there is no way I can lock it back with K's lock.

I expediently retrieve some cutters and cut the safe open. Viola! I am free. I quickly shower and get ready for my appointment. After my appointment, K finally replied to my text. She asked me what I did. I told her that I had to open the keysafe. She said it was okay and that she understood. I then had some fun! I began bragging about having some free time with her dick, that her dick and I were going to have some fun and spend some quality time together. She began to tell me all about how just because I was unlocked, it did not mean that I had freedom to do as I pleased with HER dick. I laughed and played with this for a little while. By this time, I was sitting at Starbucks drinking my favorite, waiting on an appointment with my accountant. I then confessed to her that, when I left the house, I had brought Kali with me, since there was no way to be "secure" in Hairclip, seeing as I now had that key. She was happy now. She told me to get Kali on and lock it up. I told her that I would, but if it was okay with her, I would like to finish my coffee, relaxing at Starbucks, before I jumped up to rush and put on Kali. She kindly said okay. I promised her that I would lock up before leaving Starbucks. She said that was okay, and that she wanted picture proof.

When I got ready to leave Starbucks, I went to my truck, quickly and discreetly locked Kali on, and sent K a picture of her now secure dick. Ahhhh…. it actually felt good to be secure again for K, safely locked in Kali.

As an aside, I DO like being locked in Kali. I like her weight tugging at me. I like the threat of punishment if I get too aroused. It is a constant reminder that K has control of her dick. It is so sexy! Kali is K's favorite too. She is the one who demanded that I make Kali in the first place. I had seen the KTBs on the market and had shown them to K as a laugh. Secretly I guess, I wished I had one, and that K wanted one on me. I thought it might be fun and sexy. When K saw it on the internet, she was excited. She immediately told me she wanted one, and that I needed to make her one. I was thrilled and anxious at the same time. The next day, I set out to create our Kali and the pictures below show what was the result. We have been having fun with it ever since.

Subbie-ism is over

K and I have been maintaining our Nursing and our Locking. I remain locked all of the time when we are apart. When together, it is about 50/50 locking. My promise to her for her birthday, of giving her a month of me being complete sex subbie to her, is fulfilled. Fortunately for me, K loves sex, PIV. There were very few times that I was denied sex, when she had an orgasm. When I was denied, it was interesting. I gave her an orgasm orally and then we cuddled up to sleep. I was content though, because it always involves nursing to sleep. I have told K that nursing is at least important to me as my own orgasm and sex. That is not to minimize the importance of sex and orgasm, but rather to make note of how important nursing is to me. The four week subbie gift to her was an interesting experiment.

Spanking has still been used in or lovemaking some. I do like, it must say. Sometimes it makes me horny, and other times we use it to center me, equalize me, and to help me open up my emotions and share how I feel deep, deep inside. It is an unusual way to find my inner self, hey, it works.

I have been sick the past few days and haven't had much energy for love making. Nursing continues though, thankfully.

All Is Going Well

First of all, I will update a little of the Negative Changes post. K and I did have a little talk the other night. She had read that post and was wondering what was going on in my head. I simply told her that our difficulties had caused me to question things, and although I felt I knew the answers, the questions remained as to whether others might experience what I had expressed. I explained to K that I still wanted to have chastity play as part of our lives. I was able to set her mind at ease, I believe. I did explain that the thoughts had occurred to me and since they had, I supposed I should discuss them with her. The gist of the conversation was simply that I, by my own nature, am not typically a submissive. It is fun play to add it sometimes to our relationship, but I am not easily stepped on. K even smiled one time and said something like, "Don't you think I know, I can't treat you badly and that you are not going to stand for it. You won't stand for being treated with disrespect. You have nothing to worry about." I smiled and replied that I knew that, but I still had to ask. Well….. that all turned out good.

Onward…..

K and I still enjoy nursing as much as possible. Most of the time this will be at least twice a day. Lately though, over the past couple of weeks or so, we have been able to squeeze in more nursing, sometimes with as much as four times in one day. We are doing this as much as possible for two basic reasons: we both LIKE it tremendously (DUH!); and we are trying to promote milk production. I expect we will possibly have a four-times-occurance today. (smile) K continues to give small amounts of milk, maybe a teaspoon per breast per session. No, it is not a lot, but for us, it is very encouraging. We are hoping for more eventually.

I have been locked most of the time lately besides when sleeping at night with K. Usually, I am not locked when K and I have been spending the whole day together. It seems to me though that recently, I have been spending more time locked. This includes having been locked more than usual, even when we are together. Most of the time, if K and I can get together during the day, it will include me being unlocked. This is to allow K to play with her dick while we nurse, mostly because when we DO get together for a few minutes, it is more for the intent of nursing rather than sexual play. I just got through with a set of night shifts at work. We were able to see each other several times regardless. Every time for those few days, I remained locked in Hairclip. It was actually kinda cool. Thinking, I am nursing, spending intimate time with K, several times in several days, and I am not unlocked at all. K would still play with her dick, enjoying how hard I would get, even in Hairclip. She would pull and squeeze my balls with her hands, or put my balls between her legs to squeeze with her knees. This is very intense for me, sometimes bordering on unbearable. K knows very well how much pressure to apply, always stopping just short of crossing the line. We both love this. She loves the way the pain she applies to her balls makes me nurse with more intensity. The more she squeezes my balls, the more I absorb into her breasts, taking her nipple deeper in my mouth, squirming, groaning, grimacing, breathing hard, jumping somewhat. Intense indeed!!!

After those nightshifts, we were very busy. Working day shift, dance lessons, attending a Friday night dance, life in general, every night that we were together, we crashed in bed, going to sleep soon after starting to nurse. In other words, we were not having any sexual fulfillment. Last night that changed, somewhat. We went to bed early enough to get in some good loving. We had lots of nursing, petting, and pleasuring each other. K became very horny and wanted an orgasm. There was one problem though. K's pussy was irritated and itchy. She had put some medicine on it and certainly, I did not need to eat it. K opted for the vibrator. I retrieved it for her and it was not long until she had an orgasm. K accepts vibrator orgasms as a viable alternative, but prefers me to give them to her orally. For this reason, her orgasm was not as powerful as usual, usual being those provided by my tongue! However afterwards, she wanted me. Inside her! YES!!!!! She pulled me on top, massaged her dick to adequate hardness and in I went. Her sounds and movements said that she enjoyed it very much. Well…..I did too! I wasn't too quick either. I lasted a little while, but when I came……WOOHOO!!! It was GOOD!!!!!!

We cuddled up and I nursed as we went to sleep, sweetly.

This morning K left for work duties before I awoke. Sweetly,she did not make me wake up to lock up. Instead, she returned a little later and locked me then. I was already awake by this time, laying in bed doing bill paying online. No, I was a good little boy, a good subbie. I did not take advantage of the situation. I considered it a wonderful courtesy that K had let me sleep undisturbed. I would not abuse that kindness by violating her trust to have an orgasm. Besides, I had just had a terrific one last night. Before and after she locked me, we enjoyed some more nursing, and then she had to go back to work.

So, this evening, I am writing this, locked in Kali.

Waiting, anticipating, K coming to my house tonight.

Can't wait!

Negative Changes?

So, considering my Previous Post, I am thinking of negatives.

Most of us like to think of all the wonderful things we like about chastity. The things we love about it are as widely varied as the guys that participate. When I read online, I see all these thoughts conveyed. I agree. There are lots of things I like about chastity too. The thing I don't read much about is negatives; the cons of chastity.

Hmmmm….

Am I being cynical? Am I disenchanted? Am I ready to quit? No, no, and no. I have been playing the chastity game (or even lifestyle, if you will) for almost a year, with total control and lock-up since….um…..maybe eight months. I get plenty of sex. I get plenty of loving. I get plenty of all the things that are important to me, from K. She is wonderful at meeting my needs, as much as I even do try to meet hers, maybe even better. It is fun, and it is a playfulness that we both enjoy, with all of its' benefits. I don't feel a need to list them all here, right now anyway.

Negatives?

Yeah….

Now, I know that there are the generally basic detriments to wearing a chastity device: edema, discomfort, lack of orgasm (ha!), and on and on. These "detriments" can be worked out or controlled. They have remedies that any couple can resolve easily. Some even prefer these supposed detriments, which actually makes them benefits instead.

The negatives I am referring to are those of relationship and emotional bearing. I do read often where keyholders begin to learn the power of their position, and so, do change. They change into more controlling, dominating women. They enjoy their transformation and the benefits of controlling their mate's orgasms, more and more as time passes. This is all good. This is the desired affect of most couples, especially the men: it is many a man's fantasy to have a dominatrix to make them their sex slave. I confess having somewhat of a fantasy myself. It is just that though, for me, a fantasy. I am not willing to live life that way. Having play sessions, at times, would be fun though.

Okay, so I'll get to the point (wow! the applause is deafening). What happens in the long term? Do keyholders change their outlook on their mate and the relationship in bad ways sometimes? Do the women who embrace the KH position become less appreciative of their men? Do the KHs sometimes begin to look at their man as weak, strange, weird, considering them with less respect? Do they somewhere in their subconsciousness begin to feel a contempt for the man that does not stand up for himself, becoming a wimp in their eyes? Could the locking of a man's tonker (thanks Tom Allen) in a chastity device, promote such attitudes to fester in a KH until she begins to unconsciously demonstrate behaviors indicating these feelings?

They are only questions. I wonder what others have experienced. I am sure it depends on the nature of the individuals involved, of course. It also depends on the interactions of the two, the relationship development, and the mutual respect. There are probably many more factors that could influence this, I am sure. I also wonder how often the men in chastity consider the same questions. When maybe there is difficulty within the relationship, do the men wonder if maybe, because they are participating in chastity, their KH has changed some feelings for the worse, hence treating them with hurtful disrespect?

I do know that I have questioned such things myself. I do realize that all relationships hit bumps. Couples will inherently have disagreements, hurt feelings, and sorrowful times. Does chastity fix this, where these things do not happen anymore. Well, I guess it could, when the man becomes totally submissive and relinquishes complete control, decision making, and power to the KH. I really doubt that there are THAT many men who can do that though. I know that I can't! It is not in my personality; not in my makeup.

K and I have had some hard bumps at times. During that time, it was a thought. Did I address it? No. There was too much emotionally going on at the time. After we got over it, all healed up, the thoughts and questions were no longer important. These things I know:

K and I love each other very much.
We overcome ALL bumps whether hard or soft.
Difficulties actually help us to understand each other better.
We are better after the difficulties.
K does respect me and honors me as an equal in our relationship.
I respect K at least as much.
We both know that I am not weak, weird, strange, or a wimp.
Neither is K.
We have one of the most beautiful relationships of all mankind.
We are HAPPY, and happy with each other.

These things are important to us. I suppose that in the midst of hurt, during difficulty, it is easy to ask the questions to one's self. I guess I should discuss them with K. I already know the answers, but a discussion about them would be beneficial. We have touched on them a little during some good spanking sessions. I do believe that K has not adopted any such "bad" thoughts. So, why do I write this post? Good question. Hmmmmm….. obviously, K and I will have a nice little chat about this one.

I would especially love to hear comments on this particular post.

Wondering About Possible Negatives

I wonder why I never hear negatives about wearing a chastity device. Well, yes, I do read of discomfort and irritations caused by the device itself, But what I am thinking about is more along the line of dissatisfaction or disharmonies. What in the world am I talking about?!!!?

I know that there are many enjoying chastity. I also know that many of those men, are more of the submissive bent. That being the case, I can understand that the some of the men like being treated roughly, or sometimes even meanly. I read often of those who enjoy that sort of thing. Yes, but what about those of us who are NOT into humiliation? What about those of us that do not accept being dominated, demeaned, or treated badly, those of us that maintain the mutual respect and care are important and prerequisite to a solid and trusting relationship?

I am considering the effects of chastity on the man/woman dynamic of our relationship. K and I have been a very loving couple ever since we met. There were several qualities that made me fall in love with K very quickly; qualities that have always been important to me and will always be necessary.

One is touch. I am a man that loves to be touched. K did this from the very first date. We simply fell into a closeness that very night. No, it was not sex. No, our hands did not roam where some might think they shouldn't. We simply held each other. We hugged and kissed,……and touched. The way she wrapped her arms around me, the gentleness of her hands as she did caress me, the way she cuddled up to me, was all wonderful. This is what I like. This is what speaks to me, all the way down to the core of my heart.

Conversation is another quality of K. I am a talker of sorts. No, I am not one of those who must talk incessantly about anything that can pop into my mind. Rather, I really don't talk as much as most. What I mean by "I am a talker" is that when I talk, a lot of the time, it is meaningful. Now, I do lie to do my share of joking around and teasing. No, don't get me wrong. I am not a serious man with a scowl, unable to enjoy general conversation. That has its' place too. What I am really talking about is meaningful conversation. K has the ability to have intellectual and deep discussion. We have talked about many things ranging from abstract, to psychological, to emotional, to educational, to …… on and on. K can converse. She is a brilliant lady. She is well educated, having bachelors, masters, and doctorate degrees. She is actually much more formally educated that I am. I do have a good education, besides what life and experience has taught me, but no, I have no degree: I did not finish college. Regardless, I can hold my own when in and intellectual conversation. I enjoy talking with K. Because we are actually well matched in our conversational skill and intellectual depth, we can discuss anything with ease, learning from each other along the way. I must have that mental stimulation in conversation and K provides for that interaction very well.

Another is safety. Safety? Yes. Safety. I wrote in another Post about the inner child or baby of a man. That child needs to feel safe from emotional harm. Emotional safety. K''s willingness to touch, and the quality of her touch, was one of the things that evoked feelings of safety. Along with that, K being able to converse well and carefully, provided for it too. Only after a few dates, we were having a deep conversation about our pasts, our hurts, our desires, and our sensitivities. Several times K commented that she "got it", she understood how I felt and what I was trying to explain about my own heart. I was careful. I didn't want to say too much. I didn't want to reveal too much of myself. I didn't know if it was okay to open up, being that it was a new relationship and we were still learning our way with each other.

K perceived my reservations. She then held me and ever so sweetly and softly said, "You are safe, Honey." I took me aback. What! I was safe! K is very intuitive, and I was learning this. She "got it". She nailed me. One of the things I needed was safety. Safety to be who I am with her. Safety to be open to her. Safety to show her who I was on the deepest level, in the hidden inner parts of the heart: this is a place that many men will not allow anyone to see, or even know that it exists. I melted. With this simple statement, she had shown me that she understood me and was careful to handle tenderly the things I could show her about myself; as I would over time take, her on tours of those hidden places of my heart.

Those were important things to me then. Now, they are even more important. In the past, I hadn't realized just how important they were. Since I have become familiar with them, I realize that they have been labeled in my mind, giving them identity, making them tangible to my thoughts. The most important of them is safety. I can now evaluate my feelings in a new way. One of the qualities I can attribute to my emotional position is "I feel safe/I don't feel safe." This is powerful. Recognizing this gives the ability to evaluate the way I feel more easily. When I may be upset for some reason, sometimes the end result is that I realize, "I don't feel safe!" This means that I feel "shut down". I feel like I have been insulted or hurt emotionaly and am withdrawing to protect myself because of this lack of safety.

It is the classic "man response" to emotional hurt. This may often be accompanied by anger or that much despised "silent treatment". For me, I rarely get angry, in that I will become greatly agitated with the one I love. I usually keep my anger in check. I do however get quiet. I am not as conversational. I withdraw. It is not a retribution. It is simply my response from deep within. I don't feel safe. I don't feel the connection I had. I had to withdraw from my close place with the one I love because I feel attacked or injured. It is a self-protection mechanism. I hate that place. When I withdraw, I build walls. I once told K that within an instant of injury, it is possible to build a wall 100 feet high, 20 feet thick, reinforced with steel, fiberglass, kevlar, and anything else I can get my mind on, in a matter of five seconds!

Where am I going with this? Tune in later for more. Ha!