So, considering my Previous Post, I am thinking of negatives.
Most of us like to think of all the wonderful things we like about chastity. The things we love about it are as widely varied as the guys that participate. When I read online, I see all these thoughts conveyed. I agree. There are lots of things I like about chastity too. The thing I don't read much about is negatives; the cons of chastity.
Am I being cynical? Am I disenchanted? Am I ready to quit? No, no, and no. I have been playing the chastity game (or even lifestyle, if you will) for almost a year, with total control and lock-up since….um…..maybe eight months. I get plenty of sex. I get plenty of loving. I get plenty of all the things that are important to me, from K. She is wonderful at meeting my needs, as much as I even do try to meet hers, maybe even better. It is fun, and it is a playfulness that we both enjoy, with all of its' benefits. I don't feel a need to list them all here, right now anyway.
Now, I know that there are the generally basic detriments to wearing a chastity device: edema, discomfort, lack of orgasm (ha!), and on and on. These "detriments" can be worked out or controlled. They have remedies that any couple can resolve easily. Some even prefer these supposed detriments, which actually makes them benefits instead.
The negatives I am referring to are those of relationship and emotional bearing. I do read often where keyholders begin to learn the power of their position, and so, do change. They change into more controlling, dominating women. They enjoy their transformation and the benefits of controlling their mate's orgasms, more and more as time passes. This is all good. This is the desired affect of most couples, especially the men: it is many a man's fantasy to have a dominatrix to make them their sex slave. I confess having somewhat of a fantasy myself. It is just that though, for me, a fantasy. I am not willing to live life that way. Having play sessions, at times, would be fun though.
Okay, so I'll get to the point (wow! the applause is deafening). What happens in the long term? Do keyholders change their outlook on their mate and the relationship in bad ways sometimes? Do the women who embrace the KH position become less appreciative of their men? Do the KHs sometimes begin to look at their man as weak, strange, weird, considering them with less respect? Do they somewhere in their subconsciousness begin to feel a contempt for the man that does not stand up for himself, becoming a wimp in their eyes? Could the locking of a man's tonker (thanks Tom Allen) in a chastity device, promote such attitudes to fester in a KH until she begins to unconsciously demonstrate behaviors indicating these feelings?
They are only questions. I wonder what others have experienced. I am sure it depends on the nature of the individuals involved, of course. It also depends on the interactions of the two, the relationship development, and the mutual respect. There are probably many more factors that could influence this, I am sure. I also wonder how often the men in chastity consider the same questions. When maybe there is difficulty within the relationship, do the men wonder if maybe, because they are participating in chastity, their KH has changed some feelings for the worse, hence treating them with hurtful disrespect?
I do know that I have questioned such things myself. I do realize that all relationships hit bumps. Couples will inherently have disagreements, hurt feelings, and sorrowful times. Does chastity fix this, where these things do not happen anymore. Well, I guess it could, when the man becomes totally submissive and relinquishes complete control, decision making, and power to the KH. I really doubt that there are THAT many men who can do that though. I know that I can't! It is not in my personality; not in my makeup.
K and I have had some hard bumps at times. During that time, it was a thought. Did I address it? No. There was too much emotionally going on at the time. After we got over it, all healed up, the thoughts and questions were no longer important. These things I know:
K and I love each other very much.
We overcome ALL bumps whether hard or soft.
Difficulties actually help us to understand each other better.
We are better after the difficulties.
K does respect me and honors me as an equal in our relationship.
I respect K at least as much.
We both know that I am not weak, weird, strange, or a wimp.
Neither is K.
We have one of the most beautiful relationships of all mankind.
We are HAPPY, and happy with each other.
These things are important to us. I suppose that in the midst of hurt, during difficulty, it is easy to ask the questions to one's self. I guess I should discuss them with K. I already know the answers, but a discussion about them would be beneficial. We have touched on them a little during some good spanking sessions. I do believe that K has not adopted any such "bad" thoughts. So, why do I write this post? Good question. Hmmmmm….. obviously, K and I will have a nice little chat about this one.
I would especially love to hear comments on this particular post.